MSU Extension Child & Family Development

Is the ghost on the neighbor’s porch real or pretend? What about the monster under the bed? Is the boogey man a real person? Some early childhood fears seem reasonable, and others are hard to understand. As parents and caregivers, we can help assure children that they are safe and to learn to cope with their fears.

Developmental psychologist Jean Piaget found that children under the age of twelve had difficulty understanding the difference between fantasy and reality. This makes those ghost decorations, or the potential for the monster under the bed, seem much scarier, even if parents assure the child it is not real. British evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins argued that part of the reason why is that it is children’s natural tendency to believe what adults tell them, where not believing takes “extra cognitive work.” However, we do know that as young as three, children can correctly identity pretend actions, can divide images from reality and can tell apart toys from the objects they represent.

Children ages three to five show particular difficulty distinguishing real characters, such as Michael Jordon or historical knights, from fictional beings like monsters and dragons. In fact, a study in the British Journal of Developmental Psychology titled Monsters, ghosts and witches: Testing the limits of the fantasy—reality distinction in young children, found that when children ages 3 to 5 were asked to distinguish real characters from fictional beings, they were only able to do so 40% of the time. However, children at this age are beginning to understand things real people can do and things they cannot, such as flying in the air like Superman. The identification of these unrealistic attributes can help children begin to figure out if what they’re thinking about is real or not.

Parents and caregivers can help children learn to cope with their fears by taking them seriously and reassuring children that we will keep them safe. Children need adult’s calm reassurance, even though developmentally they might not fully understand. However, it is important that adults go beyond a dismissive, “There is nothing to be scared of,” and go further to help reassure children. It is best for adults to acknowledge the child’s fear in language that they understand and then provide an explanation. For example, “That ghost decoration looks scary to you? If you look underneath the sheet, you can see its just plastic. It is not real.”

Pretend play can provide children with excellent opportunities to work through their fears. Providing props and costumes that are related to children’s fears can give them the space and time to work through those scary feelings and ideas in a safe and developmentally appropriate manner.

Another great way to help children work through fears is through children’s literature. Reading about a character in a book who is facing their fears can give kids strategies to deal with their own. Michigan State University Extension suggests the following books about common childhood fears:

• Chester the Raccoon from “The Kissing Hand” by Audrey Penn faces his fears in a new book titled “Chester the Brave.”
• Children can read about poor little Plop, an owl who is afraid of the dark, in the book aptly titled, “The Owl Who Was Afraid of the Dark” by Jill Tomlinson.
• Fears of Halloween and scary things in the dark can be tackled with “The Little Old Lady Who is Not Afraid of Anything” by Linda D. Williams.
• Children scared of monsters might find the book “Tickle Monster” by Josie Bisett reassuring. Not all monsters are scary, some are just silly!

MSU Extension offers a wide variety of Family Book Sheets to help parents and caregivers expand on book concepts.

Parents and caregivers listening and communications skills are essential in helping children overcome their fears. Take time to acknowledge children’s concerns. Sit with them, talk about the concepts of real and pretend. Research suggests that focusing on real and pretend objects (such as a real baby and a baby doll) can help children further their concepts of real vs. pretend. You may say something like: “Is this a real baby? (points at baby doll). No, of course not, it’s pretend. It eats pretend food, takes a pretend bottle and we pretend to change it’s diaper. They’re not real. Similarly, monsters are not real. It may be fun to play pretend monster or decorate with scary things, but it is not real.”

Parent’s support and understanding can help make the things that go bump in the night much less scary for children. These fears are typically outgrown as children mature. Be patient and reassuring, and soon the monster under the bed will be a distant memory.