MSU Extension 4-H Adulting 101

So welcome, everybody, to MSU Extension 4-H Adulting 101. We are excited to have you join us tonight for Navigating Life, Addressing and Handling Peer Pressure, which is being presented by Kea Norrell-Aitch and Darien Wilkerson. They're both Educators with Michigan State University Extension. So I'm your host. I'm going to be behind the scenes kind of helping with any logistical challenges and helping monitor chat and Q&A and Darien and Kea are very skilled at that too so they'll be paying attention to chat and the Q&A if you have questions, have any responses to provide but I'll be helping host behind the scenes. I'm Laurie Rivetto. I'm also an Extension Educator. I'm based in Wayne County and I get to work with youth helping them become Beyond Ready for their future. So we're really glad to have you join us today for this really important topic. As social creatures, we know peer pressure is a part of our lives, right? But how we respond to the pressure, especially when things don't align with who we are and what we value is what matters. And I'm excited to hear from Kea and Darien tonight and learn some tips and strategies to help you work through those issues. So as a reminder, this is a webinar format, so you will not have a camera being seen by our presenters so you can see them. and we're going to be using Q&A to best keep an eye on our questions. You can also use chat if you like, but you can ask questions throughout the presentation and we'll also have time at the end that you can ask questions as well. So first of all, just want to share that all of our programs are open to all. We know that human differences enrich our lives, work, and community and we embrace our responsibility to be a resource for all and are committed to providing programs to all segments of our community. We also have that land acknowledgement on the screen, acknowledging the long-standing place and history of colonialism that brought us to reside on this land that we do today. So with that, I'm going to turn it over to Kea and Darien. Reminder, just use the Q &A for questions so they don't get lost, and we'll turn it over to you two. Thank you. Thank you, Lori. We're going to share our screen so we can get started. And I saw a great question already, Gabrielle. We will be addressing that during the presentation. So thank you for thinking ahead with that wonderful question. Alright. So if we could advance to maybe, is it slide three? right here. Okay, so we're going to start with the definition of peer pressure. So when we think about peer pressure, we all know what peer pressure is, right? And actually, when we were preparing for this presentation, we thought, well, sometimes people think peer pressure is just for young children, but it's actually not. And as I mentioned, Gabrielle kicked us off with a great question about peer pressure in the workplace. So we will be talking about that. So peer pressure is not just for young children. It happens throughout the lifespan. So we see the actual definition of peer pressure here is social influence that members of a peer group place on each other that can create a positive or negative outcome. So a few things I want to point out is that peer pressure can have not just a negative outcome, but it can have a positive outcome as well. And the other thing I want to point out is it is usually within a peer group. So that peer group can be in a variety of places, not just like school or like at a playground with young children. So we're going to go ahead and get into a little bit more about peer pressure. All right. So here you see the types of peer pressure. So there's direct or spoken peer pressure where there is an actual statement or something that is said that requests or demands someone to engage in a certain behavior. And then we have the indirect or unspoken type of peer pressure, which is more subtle with like hints or things that are unspoken or things that have to do with expectations or social norms. and that creates more pressure to engage in a specific behavior. So just remember spoken and unspoken as the types of peer pressure, because we're going to come back and we're going to ask you what type of peer pressure are we talking about with a couple scenarios. So just remember spoken and unspoken. All right. So when we start thinking about adult peer pressure, like I mentioned, it's not just for children or young kids or even teens, but adults as well, young adults included. So adult peer pressure is the influence that others have on an adult's decisions or behaviors, even when those decisions may be difficult. They may be in conflict with personal values. So that, in my opinion, makes it even more challenging when you deal with your own personal value system. And that's the way we're raised. That's the things that are really important to us. Things like trust and honesty and character, those kind of things. And then peer pressure can also manifest in various aspects of life, including work, social situations, personal choices, and it can even affect our mental health and our physical well-being if we, you know, go into the things that are being asked of us, especially if we don't want that. So just remember the direct versus indirect peer pressure, and then also the spoken versus unspoken. So we also have provided some examples of adult peer pressure. So thinking about the workplace, how can peer pressure show up in the workplace? So think about if you have a job, whether it is an after-school job, a weekend job, a summer job, or even if you work full-time, you know, depending on how old you are, peer pressure can happen in the workplace. And when you see peer pressure in the workplace, it could be around wanting someone to work longer hours or participating in after work socializing. So I'll give you an example of that. If you're at work and everybody is going out to do something after they get off or after the shift. And they're like, hey, come on, let's go. We're going to go hang out at the arcade or at the pizza place. And you might be tired. You might not want to go out that evening. So that could be participating in after work socializing and having feeling pressure to do that. And then also conforming to specific professional norms. So thinking about like, what is the environment like at the job? And how do people expect you to conform to those norms? That could be a form of peer pressure. Moving on, we see mental health. So negative peer pressure can lead to decreased self-esteem, anxiety, and even feelings of inadequacy. So we see that is a definite example of negative peer pressure. Remembering that sometimes peer pressure can be positive, but that's definitely not a positive option or outcome. Adult peer pressure could come in the form of financial stress. So trying to keep up with peers can lead to overspending and financial strain. So maybe your peers might have the newest, I don't know, gym shoes or video game or I don't know, maybe you could put an example in the chat. Like what kind of things are happening in your age range with peers that could lead to trying to keep up with whatever are the like norms within school or that social group that could lead to financial strain. Sometimes it could be certain clothes or haircuts. I mean, it could be anything that could get pretty expensive sometimes. Oh, new iPhone. Thank you so much, Christian. That is a perfect example. um the having the newest iPhone and and not maybe not i know knock on Android but I am an iPhone person um maybe not having an iPhone oh my goodness Brianna i hopeI pronounced it right or Brina plastic surgery Wow! I really appreciate that because in my mind I hadn't even thought of that, but that helps us stay current and know what's happening and where that peer pressure can come in financial areas. Buying tickets to events or splitting meals when everyone did not spend the same amount. Thanks for that, Lori. I've definitely experienced that being out socially and then everybody not contributing the same amount to a meal and everyone, sometimes there's people that look around when it's time to pay the check. So those are all examples of financial stress and how that can show up as peer pressure. Gabrielle says, hate when people make me pay way more than I ordered. Yes, that's a form of peer pressure. Because if you're the responsible one and you're going to make sure that the bill gets paid and the tip is paid, because sometimes it's the tip as well. Like the bill might be covered, but maybe the tip is not. And then feeling that pressure to ensure that it's taken care of. So we're going to give you some scenarios and some tips on how to address when that happens. So thank you for those examples. Those are great examples. So then let's move on to adult peer pressure in the area of relationship problems. Now, we see this often, more often than some of the other ones, when there's disagreements about lifestyle choices, spending habits, a lot of other things that constrain relationships, maybe when two individuals are together, and then one might want to spend more time with their friends or their family, and there may be pressure to not do that as much. So peer pressure can come in the form of relationships too. And then lastly, unhealthy habits. With the negative peer pressure, we can see that it can turn into unhealthy behaviors or habits that can impact our mental health or our physical health. It can also come along with unhealthy coping skills. So when peer pressure maybe starts to get out of hand, we may see individuals doing things to cope. And maybe those are might be unhealthy, like maybe excessive drinking or utilizing substances in some way, shape or form or isolating, because maybe it's just become too much and you don't want to socialize at all. So those are some unhealthy things that can be the effect of adult peer pressure in a negative way. All right, so in the next slide, we're going to start our group discussion. So I'll kind of set the tone and then I'm going to hand it over to my colleague, Darien. So we're going to have variety of examples for you. And we're going to ask that you consider these things of when you have seen peer pressure happening, where did it occur, like the setting, and some examples that happened. So you have given us a few already. So I'm going to hand it over to Darien to lead this discussion. And then we're going to get into some scenarios where we want to hear feedback from you about what you think about these possible examples that can be relatable to things that you maybe have experienced already or might experience in the future. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Kea. So, yeah, as Kea was mentioning, just getting into this group discussion, you heard a good amount about some of those examples of what peer oppression can look like, especially when we're in the adult arena, right? Trying to navigate that life stage. And then there's going to be various different things that come at us. And we're trying to determine what's the best outcome or decision for us, right? Without feeling that peer pressure. But right here is just trying to get your voice. So feel free to use the chat. I'm just curious about hearing people's thoughts, you know, thinking about, let's go back to the last slide. So we have it, We talked about workplace. We talked about mental health, financial stress, relationship problems, right? Those habits that can become unhealthy. What are some examples in your own personal life that you've had personally experienced or you've watched? Just so we have a little bit more context to that. Let's give everyone some time to think. Okay, yeah, we got something in the chat already. yeah work company between a brand new worker and a trainer and trainer was making them take on way more than when they were currently able to handle and were manipulating them by saying that they were so good they could do it even though they were struggling incredibly hard to keep up oh man yeah again we're talking about that workplace dynamics and how those things can become pressurized, right? Trying to perform performancely, right? Like trying to meet those expectations from higher ups. Yeah. I mean, that's there. That does exist. And I appreciate that example. Does anyone else have additional ones that you can think of? Either different workplace ones, anything around mental health, financial stress, et cetera. (waiting) Yeah. No worries. Continue to think though, continue to consider what those examples can look like and what you've had personally experienced oh we have another one right when i said that all right um relationship between my friend and her mother now that she is pregnant her mother is trying to control every aspect and putting pressure on her to raise a kid the way she wants right that's the key word there right unfortunately having an image of how this child should be raised so there's a belief around that and trying to meet that expectation especially when it comes to parenting right um there's going to be different approaches uh doesn't matter each each approach doesn't have to be right filtered through someone's belief like whatever outcome we do that's okay so yeah I appreciate that example as well and again as we talked about peer pressure can be good um so you can even think about the good side of the peer pressure as well um what that has looked like in our lives but again more often than not we are feeling that weight right? we are feeling that pressure in the negative way. So just trying to continue that kind of idea. So keep those in mind, right, as we are moving forward, because like Kea had mentioned, we're going to get to some examples. We'll talk more then. All right. So again, just a couple more ideas of what the effects of peer pressure can bring into our lives. As we mentioned, it can be a positive influence. People can feel encouraged to adopt healthy, responsible, and socially acceptable behaviors, things that we haven't thought of before, right? So like getting that nudge to do something that we feel like that is a skill set, but we don't deem it as a skill set, right? Or just being able to have assertive communication. Maybe we're ones that we're more soft-spoken, but we're having friends in our corner that's saying, no, speak out, advocate, right? Those are examples of positive influences of peer pressure, right? And then we talked a little bit more about the harmful effects of peer pressure that can become negative. And we talked a little bit more about some of those mental health challenges. People can feel depressed. There's a lot of anxiety in those situations and our self-esteem can get targeted, right? It can start to drop because we're starting to question who we are as a person. So our values and our identity starts to get in distress, right? And then our relationships get strained as a result. We have people in our lives and due to peer pressure, we might create distance or maybe we're not acting the same way around them. So those relationships get strained. Right. And then at times this can look like bullying as well. Right. Bullying can be a factor and byproduct in those interactions. And what do we do in those moments? Okay? so just a couple more ideas of what some of those effects can be all right looks like we got some stuff going on in the chat just make sure I'm capturing some of that right? Yeah , getting my friend to take their major state exams getting myself too! Yeah that's another good example right and I appreciate Kea already jumping in and uh commenting on that But yes, yeah, getting that nudge to take that exam, right, to make sure you become in that role that you want to be. That's a great example of a positive peer pressure. We may feel uncomfortable, so feeling discomfort doesn't mean it's a bad thing all the time, right? So just kind of keeping that in mind as well. That's good. So let's move forward. Let's skip this because the main points of this video is on this slide, talking about some of the strategies. So we talked about a lot of the base of what peer pressure could look like, positive and negative, but now basically it's like, what do we do with that, right? So we have three important points that we can offer or encourage if you're in a situation when it comes to being in a peer pressure situation, right? One is assertive communication, right? So speak out, advocate, say something, right? Just really let them know, like, hey, this stuff feels uncomfortable for me, right? Just really saying, like, I feel this kind of way. I feel uncomfortable. I feel like you are pressuring me into doing this thing, right? Just letting them know that can start the whole conversation. And sometimes maybe they're not intentionally trying to create peer pressure. Maybe they think you are a part of it. You want to be a part of the situation. they just didn't know your beliefs and thoughts around it. So this is a good way to clear the air. Say, hey, I'm feeling this way in the moment. I just want to have that conversation with you. That can't really start. Suggested alternatives. So this can be a good one, especially in the work setting, right? So we talked about the work settings, peer pressure. One example they put on the slide was working late hours or working more after than what we should. You can always suggest alternatives. Like, oh, that doesn't really sit well with me, but I can do this and replace of, right? And that could be anything across the board, especially in the work settings. Maybe I don't want to stay after, but I can do this on this date, this time to kind of offset whatever support you need in this moment, right? And that can be any other interaction that you're in. Always feel like you could find an alternative because you're still finding control and you're trying to meet that person in the middle and you're not fully giving up whatever stance or belief you have in that time, right? Because we don't want to feel like, man, I wish I would have said something. Now I'm here in this situation and I'm dreading it. Now I'm feeling resentful. You don't want to be in that mindset, right? So offer that, suggest those alternatives just to get you through that time. And then recognizing and choosing positive influences. So let's say you're doing this, you're asserting yourself, right? You're suggesting alternatives and they're like, yep, I hear you, but no, you're going to do this thing. Or no, I really want you to still do this thing. That's when you have to take inventory and really start to pose that question, is this relationship benefiting me or not, right? So if you feel like that relationship is not benefiting you, then you have to really think about what does the next step look like for me in order to either create distance from this person, maybe having that conversation about why the distance is occurring, or maybe unfortunately having to remove that person fully out of your life. Because you want to have people that's going to be positive, that's going to have positive influences, hopefully creating more positive peer pressure moments than negative, right? So it's up to us to determine, how do I typically feel walking away from that interaction? Do I feel empowered? Do I feel motivated? Or do I feel frustrated, upset, questioning, insecure? Like you start to understand that your feelings are valid in those moments and you're feeling probably a little bit more negative than positive, right? Walking away. So keeping those in mind when you're those social interactions would definitely give you an idea whether or not to engage in that step, which is recognizing and choosing those positive influences, okay? So those are those three highlight ones just to kind of think about as you're moving forward. They sound easy, but they're not, right? But just knowing that, hey, these are the skills that I can engage in, this is what I can do, can be very powerful, okay? So we will move forward again to another quick group discussion. So like I said, these are not easy. So we're telling you some of these strategies. We're telling you more about peer pressure and what they look like, but they're difficult, right? So just want to open it up to the chat again, use the chat. What makes it difficult to advocate for ourselves during these moments, right? Like what are some of the things that get in the way? Like we know what we should do. We have this idea, but what really blocks us and we're just kind of like yeah we'll just do it right um so feel free to think about that what makes it difficult to advocate? (waiting) okay yep not wanting to say the wrong thing, struggling with confrontation, other person not being open to the communication, those are real I appreciate that Gabriel I appreciate that Gabriel. yeah losing friends Christian right ! Ego, fear, disappointment or being left out, trauma, people-pleasing(...) Yeah, these are all true. I'm going to validate every single thing that's in this chat because these are things that you can't control and sometimes are kind of unavoidable, right? The one thing to recognize is that confrontation doesn't have to be a bad thing, right? There's healthy conflict. That's where we're able to try to understand each other on a deeper level, find better solutions that benefit both sides. The other stuff is more like outcomes that we , we cannot control. If we lose that friend, we can't control that, right? Fear of disappointing or being left out, right? Like we can't fully control if that is the byproduct of that action. You have to think about what's best for me in that moment. If the best thing for me to do is to assert myself and to advocate for myself and say these things, find different solutions to hopefully keep this relationship going, and they choose to go the opposite direction, that gives you more or so of an answer whether or not this friendship is going to be healthy or not, or have the potential to maintain or even create the avenue for a healthy relationship, right? And that's in the work setting as well. Think about it with your employers. If your boss is saying these things or coming across a certain way, you're having these conversations and meetings or interactions and you feel like you're still not getting supported, that's when you have to pose the question, is this serving me? Is this relationship serving me? Is this work setting serving me? And then we have to make the hard decision and probably walk away from that situation, right? But really all that, all that's fair. I always encourage people to do a pros and cons list. That's always the greatest thing to do. If you're in a dilemma where you don't really know what the right move should be, get a piece of paper write down all the pros of that relationship of being employed in that work setting right and then you start to think about what are some of those cons so you start to really see physically what which one outweighs the other you start seeing more cons than the pros then it's like okay I'm in a situation right and what do I do with that information right that's just something to think about but yeah all those are valid so you have to keep those in mind when you're having those conversations. So it's taking that deep breath and really just voicing it, articulating, because you have the right and space to advocate. We all need to do that. Okay. So we are going to move into the next slide here and continue to plop down anything in the chat. And we'll try to take notice to that as well. It gets a little easier each time you do it. Thank you for that, Kea. Exactly. It sure does. Okay, so like Kea said, we're going to get into the decision-making scenarios. So like we've been saying, everything is the decision. So you're opposed with the situation, and you have to determine whether or not this is serving me or if it's not serving me. If not, what are the next steps from there? These scenarios are made up, but you never know. You could be in a similar situation like this in the future. Who knows? So this is good practice, right? This is the best time to kind of go through a mock exercise of what do you do if you're in a similar situation. So your job is pretty simple, right? You got to kind of think of what kind of peer pressure you're in, right? That will definitely dictate how you respond and explain how you would navigate the scenario in a healthy way. So we gave you those three points, but you're your own individual person. You may have a different perspective and a different approach that we haven't even brought up yet. And we would love to hear that. Okay. So we're going to go one at a time with these scenarios. Utilize the chat so we can hear your voice. But this is just some practice after what we've been saying. So, all right. So I will go over to the first one and have Kea read this one. all right so in our first scenario we see that Justin has been performing well at work which is noticed by the high praise he gets from his clients however he prefers a business casual look that goes against the company standards so thinking about um Justin might be wearing maybe jeans and t-shirts. And then one morning, his boss, Claire, pulls him aside and says, hey, Justin, around here, we wear suits and ties. That's the culture. It's about showing your clients that you take this work very seriously. Justin then feels pressured to change his style to fit in at the workplace, even though he believes his performance and client relationships should speak for themselves. He now questions whether his personal expression is a liability in the environment where he works. So think about that and kind of put yourself in Justin's shoes. So you're doing really well at your job. You're working really well with the clients. The clients say magnificent things about you. But now your boss is giving you this feedback. So what are your thoughts? First of all, what kind of peer pressure do you think this is? So we're going to need you to utilize the chat now. Because do you remember the things that I told you to remember from before? Do we need to go back for a quick review of the types of peer pressure? Maybe we can go back a couple slides real quick, Darien. You think you can do that? Thank you. Okay, so this is your reminder. Even if you need a quick screenshot, direct or spoken and indirect or unspoken. Okay, so I see one response, direct. or spoken. Yes. Anybody else? What are your thoughts?(...) We need at least one more person. Norms are indirect, unspoken. Oh, that's a good challenge, Rochelle. Okay. So Rochelle, I hope I am pronouncing your name correctly, is saying that norms are indirect or unspoken. and that's correct that's right here in the definition and then um Gabrielle is saying direct spoken, he could speak with her and see if it's coming from the clients or just from his boss if he signed a contract or handbook then he agreed to dress accordingly to their policy. You can dress how you want after work hours are done if Clara is just saying her preference then is mostly null and void. And then Robert is saying unspoken. Christian is saying indirect, unspoken. This is great feedback. I think we could pretty much determine that. It could be either. And I'm glad that you all spoke up because my initial thought would have been direct and spoken because the boss came to him and directly said it. But now you are definitely putting a twist to this to consider about the cultural norms or if those norms or the rules or the expectations are printed in the policy, then that could be indirect or unspoken. But I think the key is here, the boss was actually verbalizing those norms or policies to, I think his name is Justin at that moment. So you're right. It could be both, but I think for, if we had to choose one, I think it would be direct or spoken more so just because she literally said it out loud and verbalized those things. But I think you really came up with some good thoughts with considering the policy and the norms. Does anyone else have any additional thoughts as to what kind of peer pressure or how you would handle this situation? Because we started off with a question like this that was in the workplace. So you may encounter some situations that could possibly be similar. (waiting) Right. Any last thoughts about Justin? Real quick, Kea. I feel like it's really important when we talk about the types of peer pressure because it helps us understand intent. So like when people are having conversations with you, we may categorize it as I feel peer pressure, but it depends on the context, depends on the setting like why are they even having this conversation with us right? So kind of keeping all those in mind right um when we're when we're in those moments because it can really help us understand are these is this setting healthy for me are these people healthy for me to continue to come back to right so yeah just wanted to add that. That's good Darien thank you for that um because I'll I'll just go one step further when you think about intent there has to be communication to know the intent. So then you come back with what we shared prior when you advocate for yourself and you communicate and you share your feelings or your thoughts, and then there could be a conversation about intent. Definitely. Okay. Thank you, Darien, for going back to this for a reminder. Can we go back so that we can go to the second scenario now? Okay. Thank you. So, we see that Lena is working with three classmates on a science project. Halfway through the group decides to copy information from online sources without citing. So, this could be just grabbing information from Google. It could be ChatGPT. Like, it could be any kind of citing options. When Lena raises a concern, one group member says, everyone does it. If you don't chill out, you'll ruin the project for all of us. So let's talk about citing a little bit. Whether, no matter like what grade you're in or, you know, what college age, citing is important because we don't want to get into some situations that can be detrimental when you go to turn a paper or a project in. So, what would you do? Well, let me back up. What kind of peer pressure could this be when one of the group members says, Everyone does it. You know, if you don't chill out, you'll ruin the project for all of us. Okay. So, we see some direct, indirect, unspoken so indirect all right so this is interesting so we're getting a a combination um just like the the prior um scenario and I really appreciate everyone's thought process but I would like to know a little bit more if you think it is indirect what's the reason? What causes you to think that is indirect? Because you have some very valid points with the last scenario when you talked about the norms and the policies. I'm curious on this one, what makes you think it is indirect? Okay. Indirect, social pressure. Direct is social and written in the paper oh I love it. She could stick to her guns and go to the teacher. She could cite the sources on her own ,more work on her part, or she could go along with it potentially risking her grade and even her placement in the school or university. Absolutely Gabrielle thank you so much for that I love I love the your thought process I I really do Does anybody else have any additional thoughts as to why you think it is direct or indirect? (...) Alright. So how about we get into more of the what would you do? Have you ever experienced a situation like this? I haven't experienced one exactly like this, but I've experienced one where like it was a group project and everybody did not do their part. And, you know, people kind of didn't want to address that. So I still think that could be a possible example as well, because then the communication wasn't there as to the person that did not do their part, because maybe it was, I'm not sure how they would take it. Or, you know, would they still be my friend or, you know, considerations like that, that might have caused people to not speak up when someone didn't do their part within a group project. And just to let you know, group projects last well into your career, too. There may not be called group projects, but they might be a collaboration or a partnership. So this could happen across a variety of age ranges. okay so how about one last thought anybody want to share if you've ever experienced anything similar to this or what would you do in this situation okay Robert says yes thank you Robert uh Do you want to share how you handled it or what did you do? How did it turn out? Yes thank you Laurie! We worked together on this group project to put this session together! So we are still doing group projects okay Robert simply walked away okay thank you Robert Ignoring them. Sometimes you do have to do that. That is definitely an option okay? I was just thinking about this for assertive communication it doesn't always have to be a statement it can be posing things in a question right? You can pose things. You can have curiosity like "Hey I'm just wondering like what's kind of like making you want to have this approach with this?" Right ? And then maybe you can have them come to their own conclusion or kind of catch them in their own understanding. To be like "Oh maybe that is a flawed way of thinking " I didn't even I didn't even know that!" So sometimes speaking up and being assertive doesn't have to be combative or confrontational. It can just be posing curiosity and kind of having those kind of conversations from that perspective too. So I just wanted to add that angle to it. I appreciate that, Darien, and I think that's a good option, especially if you are a person that kind of shies away from confrontation. A question could be a good opener to a conversation, and then that will go back to intent. It might help you to be able to learn the intent there. Bryna or Brena, I'm sorry if I don't say it correctly, but thank you for your comment. You addressed it directly and one-on-one. I think that is a great approach to have a one-on-one conversation versus within the group and then either adjust workloads or support accordingly or leave their name off the project. Oh yeah, that's a bold one. Leave their name off the project if they don't pull their weight and communicate with your professor or supervisor as to why. Yeah that's that's definitely an option. And a very bold one but sometimes you do have to determine like what's the best fit with what you're comfortable with and what your personality or your style is. Thank you for sharing that then we have another comment as a person with disabilities I tend to give into peer pressure and get bullied I try hard to fit in and fall in this trap. Um, I tried to, I tried to hard not to fit in and fall in this trap. Okay. I'm sorry if I misread that. Um, thank you so much for, for sharing that. Um, I can imagine that that could be challenging and, and difficult. Um, and yeah, so yeah, I think this is still good reminders, though, that you want to do what's most comfortable for you and what you can determine can have the best long-term effects, like Darien shared earlier about the pros and cons list and advocacy. And then sometimes we might have a colleague or a friend that winds up being an advocator for us that kind of helps and steps in sometimes. So hopefully this will be helpful for you to kind of build some of those skills and techniques to try to utilize in those situations. And then as I mentioned earlier, it's difficult, but it gets a little easier each time you try. So maybe you start off with trying, like Darien mentioned, with a question. Or sharing your feelings because sometimes transparency can be a good start like um "this made me feel this way" and then see what the response is. So thank you again for for sharing it. And Rachel says to maintain your personal ethics . Yes I am in full agreement with that. Your personal ethics, those characteristics, and your belief systems are very important. And if peer pressure or something that someone is proposing takes you out of those things, then that might be something you want to reconsider doing. I've absolutely had to do both before. It just depends on the situation and why someone isn't contributing on their agreed upon part. Yes. All right. So thank you for this conversation. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and if you've experienced it before or what you perceive you might do if you were in a situation like that. So Laurie has a thought. I know I had to find my people, my group. We want to fit in, but sometimes we have to find the people who align with who we are and what we value. So the pressure is positive and not so negative. Totally agree, Laurie. Thank you for sharing that. Definitely say that often, like find your people, find your group, find your setting that makes you feel comfortable and is relatable. And like I mentioned, sometimes it can turn into advocacy for you sometimes when you don't have the actual words or actions. So yes, thank you so much. Let's move on to our next scenario. I'm going to pass it over to Darien for scenario three. All right. Scenario three. I appreciate everyone's involvement. We're almost towards the ending of this too. Hopefully we are learning and getting some good stuff to help us in the future. But here's scenario three so the university is holding auditions for their talent show and Adam's friends know he's a talented guitarist and singer. Sarah brings up one night you must audition you're better you're better than half the people that's usually that usually perform. Another friend adds "Seriously you kill it ! We will even come and watch your audition!" Adam hesitates "I don't know what if I mess up? I never performed on stage before." The group offers to help him practice and even walks with him to sign up. As Adam signs up for the contest, he still has hidden hesitations. He's not really sure what's going to happen. So this one I'm curious to hear everyone's thoughts on this one this is a little bit of a different approach what we just read um went through the last two but what is everyone thinking right now ? About this one . The kind of type of um peer pressure, Adam's in currently. And what would be the appropriate steps for him, do you think?( ...) Hey, positive mostly, direct peer pressure, being a safe space for him to approach his friends with the residual concerns would lead to more confidence. Some nerves can actually be helpful for performances. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. I mean, honestly, just reframing anxiety altogether. Sometimes anxiety is a good thing, right? It just shows that we care about something. Something really matters. So it can at times even give us more focus and intentionality around things. Absolutely. Got some other stuff. Direct, spoken, but in a supportive way. If he messes up, he can keep going or try again. Exactly. Exactly. I like that feedback as well. We also see a direct one as well. So, yeah, this is more spoken, right? Those conversations are right there. Adam's nervous. He's hesitant. But this seems like this is coming from a place of a positive approach right like they're the friends are noticing a strength a skill set a talent and Adams is having a hard time really taking that next step to trying to really showcase that to a large mass of people. And that anxiety is natural is appropriate but I do like the supportive nature of the friends I think they'll be there to cheer them on. Has anyone like ever been in that? I mean maybe not in that talent show scenario just like a positive peer pressure moment. Does anyone have any examples of that? Oh yeah um friends can help them have mock auditions! That's very true yeah. they can just continue to help prep them for the big show. I like that. State testing like I said earlier. Absolutely! I think that's a really great example of a positive peer pressure moment. Anxiety is there, it's going to be there. but it can get you to that next that next step in your career. Right so You miss 100 of the shots you don't take! Yes I like that! I'm telling you that's so true. Oh that's it that's a good motto they kind of live by honestly. I like that one and again just um just thinking about those scenarios like those are the people you really want in your corner. If you're in that situation , you can ask them like Okay", what are those things you're seeing ? or you're noticing right now?" Like continuing to gather more information. That could be another alternative as well. So here we go zip zip lining, rafting ,snorkeling, could be scary at first but great once you jump in. Oh yes oh yes snorkeling I've been snorkeling before I was terrified but it was like one of the funnest things I have done so I would agree with that absolutely! So yeah so So, again, in this in this case for Adam, the biggest thing is for him to shake off those nerves and just kind of, you know, continue to prep and get to that audition and really see how that goes for him. But this is a positive experience to be in. These are good people to continue to engage with. Right. So, yeah, this scenario three, we just like to offer that positive peer pressure perspective. OK, any last thoughts about this one? Before we get into the last one? we will get into the last one here. Here we go. Sam, a freshman in college, attends a house party on a Friday night. During the party, Alex hosts the party, opens up a cabinet and pulls out a bottle of alcohol. Alex shouts, all right, he's down to take some shots. Sam becomes nervous and says, "I don't know, never really drank before." Alex protests and says, "Come on, it's just a few shots. Everyone is doing it. You want to fit in, right?" As a disclaimer, this is not the same Alex as before. This is a different person. But yeah, just put yourself in that scenario. This is more of like a college setting. These things exist. These things happen. Peer pressure around going to parties and engaging in activities and behaviors that we're not comfortable in. These things can happen. So, I just want to hear people's thoughts. What kind of type of peer pressure is this? How would you navigate this? And what would you recommend Sam doing? So, yes, definitely direct, right? Just some directness. Is there any other types you're noticing in there, too? (...) Think about it. (...) Yeah, yeah, I've been there before, right? Direct spoken also touches on those indirect and unspoken norms again, right? Right, everyone's doing it. You want to fit in, right? People will say those things that can kind of box you in, right? So just really thinking about that. And these things have blends of a lot, like not everything's black or white, there's gray. So like, you guys are doing great and noticing that these things can both coexist together, right? So what are some what are some approaches? Oh, here we go. Noticing some more in the chat. One second. OK, it's always the DD (designated driver) for my friends graduated before I was 21. And that was always a great excuse to not get. Yeah. Pressure to drink. Absolutely. You call being DD. There's nothing wrong with that. Can be positive for him to try new things. But saying that he won't fit in is negative. Right. Right. That's true. I can see that perspective. um one thing to notice right freshman in college so definitely considering additional factors and considerations um but absolutely right like going to a party is it's not bad thing going you know going out of your comfort zone what you're engaging in and doing that's when things can get a little bit more questionable right and the approaches yeah he had put an age for legal drinking. Yeah. Kea, do you have any additional thoughts you want to add to this one at all? Thinking about consequences, safety, things like that would be on the list to add. And just trying to think about what we talked about, those characteristics of, I'm trying to think, I don't remember the exact term that was used but you know when you have your the way you were raised and um those things that are important to you like just remembering those in times like this because um and I and I appreciate their values thank you I was drawing a blank those those personal values um and and how important they could be in difficult situations like this. So remembering that remembering reputation thinking about how this could affect whatever reputation or image that you might want to uphold So just kind of taking all those things into consideration and I know that's a lot to consider but that's why we're having these conversations now. I know some of you might have been in this situation already, but it also could help you think of how you can handle it if you experience it in the future. So yeah, I see some things in the chat. Yeah, those personal morals and values. Thank you for that. Probably keep it short and find an excuse to leave. Yes. I don't know about you all, but even if you're in a college setting or as a young adult, you can still use your parents as an excuse or a friend or younger sibling. You could say, hey, I got a text. I need to go pick someone up or I need to do some things for my mom. That's what I tell my son. Um, but you can, you can come up with that. I might have some homework to do. Right. Um, and then Laurie is saying about, and, um, Brina as well, family health or your, your own health. Um, you know, you might even have some, some health concerns or some health things that you're dealing with, or even if not, um, drinking underage or excessive drinking can affect your health. So taking that into consideration. So yeah, so this is a really good discussion. And we bring this up on purpose because this is a more difficult one, but it's a real one that we see happen often. And we'd rather you be prepared in a situation like that than not because if you are not prepared, it's more of a higher chance that you can fall into peer pressure. Sometimes individuals can practice their response, whether it's a scenario like this or any other kind of difficult scenario, to have a response ready. I know someone mentioned like being that designated driver, that was a prepared response. Like, no, I'm DD, so I can't do this. Whatever your response is, you can think of it ahead of time. all right I just want to make sure I saw everything in the chat. Okay thanks Darien we'll give it back to you. Or is it back to me. I think it's ... Yeah um I appreciate everyone's conversation on this one again yeah there's this is multifaceted right but just recognizing when you're in those kind of bigger moments like, what are your values ? what are the pros and cons of engaging in that behavior? right? What can be that outcome? Another strategy, especially for those who feel like we people please, I get it, makes sense. Sometimes postponing responding can be appropriate. So just saying like, hey, let me get some time to think on that. It doesn't have to be in this like example, just any example of peer pressure because we feel pressure to say yes or no in the moment. So if we delay a response, it might give us time to really think through everything and then circle back and actually follow through with that game plan, right? So this is another approach that you can take when it comes to those moments, especially for people-pleasing, right? Just delaying a response can be a good, just gives you more time to think about those considerations, so. A couple more in the chat. No is a full sentence. I like that statement because just saying no is enough. Like you don't have to provide a reason if you don't want to. So I think that's a great option. And then I'm on call for work. Yes, that's a good thing to think about. Elderly parents, younger siblings, people watching might give you warning. Yes, to kind of give you a sense of where the situation is going. And even leaving early. If you're people watching and you are noticing what's happening, you can choose to go ahead and exit and leave. If that is making you uncomfortable. So this is really good conversation. I just wanted to catch those things in the chat. Darien, I'll turn it back to you. Yeah um that is the content we have today. So again the next slide was just questions um depending on time so i want to give it back to um Laurie and um have us yeah finish up. I will stop sharing thanks Darien and Kea that was fantastic. Let me share my screen. Yes we have a couple minutes I guess for for questions um and I think I see there's another comment in the chat there about reminding yourself , at the end of the day other folks don't have to live with your decisions, only you do. So what can you live with ? A great summary. There was a question earlier. We are going to send a follow-up email but I will also note um that that email will have the video that Darien had in the presentation. And I know it goes through some of those strategies that people were asking about that. We also want to make sure that you're all aware of the next upcoming webinar, which is going to be on September 17th at 6.30. That's on Workplace Professionalism. And then we also have one in October and November, and that ends out our 2025 year. We will also have that webinar posted so you can watch this again and or share it with people who weren't able to be here today. We also do have a survey . So we're going to put that in the chat for you to fill out you can use the QR code on the screen to complete that. So please share feedback with Kea and Darien. We very much appreciate that and great participation, I agree Kea! This was a wonderfully active group. So we appreciate that. Another opportunity I just want to share quickly is if you're interested in these type of Adulting 101 one topics, we do have a virtual 4-H club that meets October through May. It's called 4-H Future Squad. It's for youth 12 to 19. So if you're interested in joining that, you can fill out the interest form on the Future Squad page and that will also be in your email. So it's a great way to meet new people and learn about some of these Adulting 101 topics, gain skills. Kea and Darien actually came and shared some of this with Future Squad this past year. So it's a great chance to learn about some of these topics in a smaller group setting and have some great conversation. So, again, if you have not completed our survey, please do so. I am going to stop our recording. We'll stay on for a couple minutes if there's any additional questions or comments. and we thank you all for being a part of Adulting 101. Are there any questions? Yes I will include the links um it the link to all of the Adulting 101 will be in the follow-up email I'll make sure of that thank you for asking that christian appreciate it . Thanks Gabrielle Yes we're doing group projects throughout life. All right.