MSU Extension 4-H Volunteering & Mentoring

Welcome everyone. I'd like to welcome you to today's Michigan Forage volunteer webinar on fueling or squashing the rumor mill. We're going to explore ways for you to support youth that are facing rumors about their projects and how to prevent the spread of misinformation. We're excited for you to be with us during this session. I'm Christine Heverly. I'm an extension educator in the Children and Youth Institute and a co lead for Extension Volunteer Management. I will let my co presenter, Kendra, give a quick introduction also. Hi everyone. As Christine said, thank you for hopping on and being with us today over your lunch hour. My name is Kendra Van Order and I am also a four H extension educator. I am the dairy extension educator for dairy youth programs in the state of Michigan. I also grew up showing livestock locally, nationally, and I'm still very heavily involved in that area. So this topic area it hits home for me a lot. Right. ESU extension knows that human differences enrich our lives, work, and community. We embrace our responsibility to be a resource for all and are committed to providing programs to all segments of the community. Also, it is also important to understand the longstanding history and legacy of colonialism that has brought us to reside in the land and to seek to understand our place within that history and the lane of knowledge on the screen is one step in that process. I'm going to put into the chat a quick demographics link. This helps us show how we are reaching all segments of the population. If you could please complete it. If you are an MSU extension staff member attending and you're doing this As in your role as a staff member, please don't complete it. If you're doing this in your role as a volunteer, you can complete the survey. I will pause for a moment to let people complete the survey. As some of you know, this has been part of a webinar series that we have been doing in 2020 since 2023. We do have one more topic set. It happens to be on Monday on Engaging Parts in the Forage E and implemented shared leadership in Fage clubs. We will be working to set the fall topics and dates during the summer, so they will be released in the midsummer and they'll be on our volunteer webinar series website page. You can also find recordings to all the past trainings on that page also. So as we get started today, I'm going to do a little bit different of an icebreaker than we've done in the past for one of these. I'm going to have us do a quick poll. What I want us to see is that in some sense, we all have been engaged in the rumor mill at some point of our lives. We've either heard someone talk about someone else, we may have talked about someone behind their back, we've heard someone say something about us that wasn't true. We may have said something that wasn't true about someone else. We might have gotten into someone else's business or told someone to mind their own business or done it either way. When we look at the rumor mill, we all have been engaged in some way. What we really want to do is help reset that and have us think about how do we help youth know to not get themselves engaged in it or when they are engaged in it and people are saying them, how to handle those pieces and continue to move forward so it doesn't impact their four experiences. When we think about n4h, we we always want to help you find that pathway to thriving. In Forage we have high quality programs that help you find places to matter, explore, and find their personal spark. Within Forage, that thriving pathway is incredibly important. Oftentimes when things are talked about about youth, it is in an area of their spark. We really want to think about how rumors can impact the thriving pathway and in addition, want to give youth the skills to how to move past it. We really want youth to have a place to belong, form positive relationships, and have a way to navigate pieces. Forage provides youth those opportunities through dedicated volunteers that are supporting them, through the relationships they build with other youth, and by helping you through all of these pieces, we're putting them on those thriving pathways. In Forage, we are really about fostering youth sparks and a spark is an identified passion for self aided interests or a skill that lights a fire in a young person's life, providing support energy, joy, and purpose, and direction. The relationship that you as a volunteer have with forage members is key in helping youth discover their sparks, which can change regularly. When you're engaging with youth and their sparks, you're sending that youth on a thriving pathway. You as a volunteer don't have to be an expert in everything that they are interested in, but you are there to encourage them and help them to move forward. Oftentimes when we look at this rumor concept, it happens in areas that youth have a spark. As a volunteer, you play a really key role to not let those rumors discourage youth and discourage their sparks. We want to continue to push them, support them, provide those relationships, that engagement and that support that they need to have the skills to learn how to handle it, how to stop it, and then how to move forward in a positive way. We also want to give youth the skills on how when they hear to really reflect on it, is that true? As a volunteer, as you're working on these sparks with youth, you're giving them the skills on how to handle these pieces. To get us started, we have to understand what a rumor is. Basically, it's a story or statement that's spread without confirmation. It's really where is it spread. We're going to take a moment and I want you to reflect is what kinds of rumors have you heard in your clubs in the past or in your forage experiences? Feel free to type those in your chat. If you have any rumors about people using steroids that four H is being eliminated. Yeah, that's what we hear a lot. So this is information that someone is related to the judge and won. Oh, yes. So they didn't do their own project. She only won because they drugged their animal. These are all things that are shared on and they're like a social communication issue. The youth doesn't care for their animal and just show up at fair. These are all the things that happen. When we think about it, they could be true, they could be partially true, or they could be totally made up, or they could have had one part of this statement that by the time it was passed on and passed on and passed on, that is No. It's so distraught that from what it really is. It's that story doesn't get all the information that's clear. Regardless of the truth of the rumor or gossip, the spreading of the rumor really does have impact on those that it's being spoken about. Not only there could be truth behind it, we want to help youth understand that even sharing that has an impact on other youth. We really want to think about how do we give youth those skills and pieces so that they are not leading to misinformation. While they can be harmless or could be some kids might see them as an interesting piece of information to share, they can very much damage reputations, cause unnecessary panic and conflict, and that rapid speed of them really has grown in the digital age. We have to think about how do we help youth understand every time you pass it on It changes it some and is it the truth? It's important to approach rumors critically, verifying the facts through reliable sources before accepting or sharing information. By promoting that fact checking and that level of support to people, we're really helping them move forward. The other thing, as we start to frame this whole conversation, let's take a moment to think about when these things are said about not living in the country, the youth doesn't care for their animal, they just show up at fair. The use of steroids, they win because they know the judge. Think of this as an iceberg for a second. People only see what's visible or the seen about people. They often see the people winning, the success, the awards, the team captain, maybe that natural tant they have, the opportunities that someone's receiving the other kids are not or that recognition. They see that top of the iceberg, what's above the water, the scene pieces. What they're not always seeing or very rarely seeing is the unseen places. That could be the persistence that you have, all the extra practice that youth puts in, the late nights that they might be spending doing things, the self doubt that youth might have about if they're doing it well, the learning, the dedication, the failures that happen at home when they're practicing potentially with their showmanship and doing showmanship or getting prepared for those things, the good habits they set, the late nights and early mornings, the stress, the support, the growth mindset, the passion. Those are the unseen things. Something that I know is people don't really see the I guess it's the sacrifices that families have to make at times when they choose what they're participating in to achieve a goal that someone might have. There's a lot of things that happen at home that they're not seeing because they only see what's happening in the forefront. It's really thinking through, thinking about this iceberg and we have people think on it as we see what's above the water, the visible thing. We don't see what's going in behind the scenes or underground. Um, Yeah. The financial and the time limitations that people don't want to feel social, so being asked driven by a goal might seem like they're direct or unfriendly. Yeah. They might be super direct, they're more an introvert type person. Um, Yeah. So this is one that your grandparents were fourage leaders in your club and your cousin left because they felt that I was given better treatment, but it was actually that you were held to different standards than anyone else. That is one of the things that happens is sometimes people see the people who are doing certain things, but they don't maybe understand the different standards that they're being held to by their parents or by other people just because of the position they potentially could be in. It is. We don't always see the unseen and we need to help youth understand If there's a youth who's saying rumors, we need them to help them understand. Well, what are you not seeing that that youth is doing? Those are having rumors potentially spread about them, we have to continue to remind them, well, this is the things I see you're doing and this is why you're achieving those things. So we're going to talk about why rumors spread first. What I want you to say in the chat, I have another chat question for us is in the chat, why Why do you think why do you think people spread rumors about one another? Why do you think the rumors are spread? What are some of the big reasons why rumors might be spread? To ruin reputation, jealousy, make themselves look better, take away from a win, Um, some need to justify they're not doing as well as others. Some people feel intimidated by others who can help with tasks, jealousy. Yeah, so many things. These are some of the areas that they fall into why rumors spread. That boredom piece. They might be bored, they don't know what to say. This whole misunderstanding piece, not really understanding the whole picture. It could be some of that jealousy piece of all of those. The insecurity and jealousy. They don't like that other people are achieving things that they are not. But then they have to reflect on how they put up what is unseen what's unseen for the person who is achieving and what's unseen for the person who isn't achieving. The whole social status of social clicks. Power or control. There are times that people say things to try and gain control and have power, seek attention for themselves. Then people feel like they want to be part of the cool kids club, feeling accepted into your group. They want to be part of something. That doesn't mean it's always the right group. They want to be the first to know about things. Sharing a rumor makes them feel like the center of attention and the first to know something and they might gain that popularity and be part of that cool kids club. And really to feel as part of that group. When they have that feeling with insecurities and feelings, the spreading of the rumors makes them feel like they have more control or influence on other people. It can also be a point where they feel like they need to get back at someone and we want them to understand going back to that iceberg, what is that person putting in below the ice, below the water that is why those things are happening. Sometimes it's used to really build those social bonds and all of those pieces. So this has some impacts on youth. They fall into three main categories where these impacts happen. They have an emotional toll on you. It can be some self esteem, a drop in motivation, a drop in club engagement. Really just has an emotional toll on them, do they feel good enough? People keep saying these things about them and they might choose to walk away from things at times. It causes social consequences. It can impact friendships. And trust. If someone is saying a rumor about you, you're no longer going to trust the person who's saying that, so it could ruin a friendship that you maybe had or those pieces. It can make people feel excluded in that sense. It can be an exclusionary piece it can have some project type outcomes too. It can depending what the rumors are. Sometimes it drives people to prove things even more and they're just going to continue to put more pieces under the iceberg. But it can also drive people to be disengaged or quitting. Um, and not want to do as well. It's also has an impact on youth is having them understand private, is it private? It's not your information to share. Helping youth understand that you might have heard something or seen something, but that's not yours to share. Then it can really impact if youth choose to continue participating in the four H project or experience. Yeah. All right. I think this is me. How do we support youth? We need to listen and validate. A big reason that we need to do this is youth are coming to you because they see you as a safe person and they see you as somebody that they can trust to talk about what they're going through. Um, so initially, we need to create that safe space to talk. So I recommend that we don't have these conversations in a big group of people. Try to pull this youth aside so that way they feel like they have your undivided attention. You don't get other people who are trying to give their input or telling youth that they're wrong. It's literally a one on one conversation where the youth can actually share what they've heard, what they've seen, or how they're actually feeling. We need to acknowledge those feelings without feeding the drama. For example, if we have somebody who a youth come up and say, I heard that so and so only won because they paid the judge, it's not our job to respond with, Oh, yeah, I've heard that too. Can you believe it? Wow, how dare they? This might sound crazy and some of you might be chuckling at this, but this absolutely happens more than we ever want to think it does. How do we do this? If that youth says, Hey, I heard that somebody told me that so and so only won because they paid the judge, we can step back and say, I hear what you're saying. I, you know, I'm here to talk about this, but also we can look into this but understand that not everything that we hear is true, but also is this our place to be saying things like this and just kind of remind that youth that, um, that we are here to be a safe space for them. A big thing also is to listen before you speak. Oftentimes, and I've been in these situations too when I was showing, people would try to tell me what I should be thinking or what I should be saying. I rarely felt that people actually listened to me. They wanted to They wanted me to say what they wanted me to say. So we need to take some time to actually listen to those youth, to say, what did you see? What did you hear? What are some concerns? Sometimes this might actually be about that youth, they might come to you really upset. It is our job to let those youth express their feelings, listen to them, and not try to speak for them, let them speak for themselves. Also, keep an open mind before, during, and after the conversation. It is extremely hard, especially if we're really close to the kids that show there or other families that show there or staff to keep an open mind. We have to try at all costs to avoid those personal bias just because, again, that's not our place to make that final ruling. It is our place to be there for support for those youth, to be a safe space where they can share their thoughts and their feelings and experiences. We should not be trying to feed into that drama of, you know, saying, yes, I heard the same thing, or I can't believe that you would say that, those types of things. We instead of being defensive, we very much need to be those sideline coaches of, come to me if you have issues. Let's work these things out. Um, and that's a hard thing to do. It is really hard to avoid those personal biases and keep an open mind, but it's absolutely crucial in having that overall positive experience for those youth during that time. In the chat, you all will find a handout that we've created that's got some of these resources. We will also be emailing that out to you so you have a quick reference back to information. So how do we support youth during this process? We need to teach youth response skills. So the six skills that are on the left, the first one to ignore it. Understand that you don't have to engage in any conversation that you're invited to. This is something that personally for me that I'm still very much working on. Again, it is really easy to get caught up in the heat of the situation, but understand that we have the option to say, you know, I'm going to choose to ignore this and you can walk away. You do not have to respond. Also, the next thing is to correct that rumor. If you know that it's false, then provide that correct information. But when we make this delivery, again, we need to try to not come off as defensive. We need to come off as professional and in a sense that we're actually trying to correct the situation. For example, if Christine comes up to me and says, I heard that so and so drug their steer and that's why they won. If I come back to her and say, well, I know that's not true because I watched them the entire time they got that steer ready. So obviously that's not true. I can't believe you would say that. That is not an appropriate response. An appropriate response could be, nope, actually, I was with them the entire time and I can verify that that did not happen. Those even though I'm saying two of the same thing, that delivery and that approach is going to be more effective in actually delivering that correct information. You That I think I use probably the most. I always try to throw in a little jokey joke anytime that I can. This is something that using humor to throw them off guard, and then we walk away. What this does is sometimes when we have people that come up to us and say, well, I heard they drug their sheep and that's why they won, They're in this really negative and passionate mindset and they come up to you and that humor can be used to break that up, and then it can change how they're processing information and it can lighten up their mood and their experiences that they're in. Sometimes that will change them and be like, Oh, Yeah, I guess I was just got caught up in the emotion or got caught up in the fact that my kid worked really hard with their sheep and got beat, but also, you know, yeah, I'm probably taking this too serious. I'm probably taking this to a spot where it doesn't need to get taken. So I use humor a lot, and it does seem to be effective of breaking up that current emotional time that those people can be in. For youth, obviously, tell an adult. Sometimes you need to get help, and I'll be honest, as an adult myself, I still do this. There are plenty of people in my life who I look up to as mentors and things like that, and I still go to them and say, Hey, how do I handle this situation? What do I do? Oftentimes more times than not that we have a positive resolution to those situations. Anytime we can go to an adult that's not involved in the situation, Normally, those are going to be the people that are pretty unbiased, those are going to be the people that are not emotionally charged or attached to situations. More times than not, more positive situations come from that because they don't have the bias, they don't have the emotion. They're able to think clearly and respond appropriately versus people that might be emotionally charged or attached to a situation. Speak up. This is something that the first time that I ever had somebody do this it has stuck with me and I have used this ever since I experienced that situation. I was at a big show out at the pavilion and some kid who thought that they were going to win the big goat show in the summer there was upset that he didn't win and didn't he was just literally feeling like, oh, I'm in a sense of jealousy right now, which is okay. We've all been there. He had made a comment like, Oh, she just got that goat two weeks ago and broke a rule, and da da da. So that was helping him with the goat looked at that person and said, stop. That is enough. I've used that tactic for myself even, but also for other people as well and that person stopped and they didn't say another word about it the entire weekend. I'm a big fan of the Speak Up one because We normally are engaged in conversations and situations that we think is going to fuel and encourage our behavior. And showing is an expensive, time consuming, passionate thing, and we've all been caught up in it or we've all witnessed people get caught up in it, and sometimes we just need somebody to say, stop. And then we take a step back and realize, oh, yeah, this needs to stop, those types of things. So that's a strategy that I also use quite a bit. The one thing that I try to teach the youth that are in my circle is the golden rule, which is treat others how you want to be treated. I will simply ask them, is this something that you would want them to say about you? Or is this a situation that you would like to find yourself in? Or remember last weekend when you won the Seer show, remember how you enjoyed all the people congratulating you you need to be that person who participates in that at this weekend for the person who did win because that is how you want to be treated as well. These six things are things that I personally use just to help teach youth how to use these response skills. And with this comes confidence. How do we build confidence? We create that safe space. We create this area where kids can come to us and we're able to set our bias aside. We're able to come with an open mind and help them use these responses with the utmost amount of confidence. So eye statements. So these are also really effective in how to help these youth communicate feelings without blaming others. So This is something that I've been actively trying to incorporate into my mentoring and my coaching because I think they're really, really effective. On the right there, we have some examples here. For this eye I should back up. I statements are something where we take some personal ownership of things and we use our own feelings to help make a better outcome and situation to communicate to people without, um, having more of the fuel added to the fire. In the practice section there, one of the things that I heard actually when we were working on this presentation weekend before was a kid came out of the ring and said, you always cut me off when you enter the ring. Um, so what is an actual response that we can use with an eye statement? You can throw it in the chat. What is an appropriate eye statement that could be used for an appropriate response? Again, eye statements are using ourselves to talk about our personal feelings to come to a positive resolution. And you can just throw it in the chat whenever you have it. I'm sorry, I was focused on the judge. I had no idea. Thanks for mentioning it. So good. So those are two good examples of responses. And then we can also use I statements to change the wording of the actual statements in that practice box. Now that we know how to respond, let's take a deeper dive into how we can actually make these statements. Pretend like you are the person who's making the statement. If I'm the kid who says to Christine, you always cut me off when you enter the ring. What is something that I can say to her that's going to be more positive? Christine, I get really upset when you cut in front of me when you enter the ring. I would appreciate if next time we can communicate that better of who's going to go in before who. So that is something where I am taking some ownership of the situation. I'm expressing how I'm feeling to her. And so that way she understands, oh, well, if I, you know, a lot of times this stuff isn't intentional. Kids just do it and even adults do some things too that aren't intentional of, oh, well, sure. Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't understand or I wasn't aware or now these responses that you guys have put in the chat can come into play. So I kind of taught that in reverse. To me, it just makes more sense that way. Um Also, the next one is you always do well because your parent is a four H leader. So again, working on the response first, you can put your ideas in the chat of how would you respond to someone if that's what they told you? You could have. Okay. Thank you. Say I can share mine personally. My uncle was my forage leader and I heard this all the time. And so, comments in the chat, I've worked really hard so that I can do well. They've done it for a long time, but I also worked really hard to show my project. Those are all great responses. Now that we're on the receiving end of those comments, again, we can go back to try to reform that statement of how can I use the statement to come off to get those responses that you guys are putting in the chat. If I were to say this to Christine, I could say, um, It makes me I could say something where I noticed that your parents are four H leaders. How has that helped you be successful? Um, so just initiating that positive conversation, and then we can use those responses that you guys are putting in the chat and you can say, Well, they've been in it for a long time. They understand what work goes into it. They understand how to select animals, how to feed those types of things. But here, like, would you like me to help you those types of situations. I'll quickly go into the last two. You're always taking credit for the work I did. Again, thinking of a response to this is, um, I apologize. I didn't realize that. How can we come to understanding where I can give credit where credit is due? And then we go back to using those I statements as the actual thing that is said is, you know, Christine, it upsets me and I feel like I'm not it upsets me when you take credit for things that I'm doing. I feel like I'm not getting the credit and recognition that I deserve because of how you approach the situation, and then you can go back to those responses and use it. Again, great ideas in the chat. The last one, he's trying to steal my project idea, a response to that, could go back to those responses we learned about the whole rumor thing in general of, I'm sure that that's not the case, but I think that you should go talk to him about it, using those I statements as the person making the statement, I really feel as though he's trying to steal my project idea and it makes me it really disappoints me. And then that response we talked about can go back and say, well, why don't you talk to him about it? I'm sure that wasn't the intention. Why did I teach it backwards? Because it all goes back to that golden rule of how would you like to be treated. Whether you're the person making the eye statements in general or making the statements of response, these are things thinking back of, well, how would I want to be treated in this situation? Using the eye statements can help us communicate our feelings effectively, but also in a non defensive way and also using some eye statements in our responses can also help I'm sure that wasn't the case or I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. These are all things that are just a healthy form of positive communication. And can help direct how we could possibly work on something together in the future. If we have similar project ideas, it could be, I like that project as well. Maybe we can work on it together to get to that point of doing things as a team potentially. Absolutely. How do we also support youth with this solution? We need to redirect with facts. There's a four step, easy process to help these kids out in these situations. So we need to help youth clarify the truth. For example, um, If Christine comes up to me and says, I saw somebody put something in their steer's water bucket and the steer drank it and then he won, it must have been drugs or something illegal or against the rules, then you could say, well, actually, you know, and this is one that is kind of a recent one last year. So you could say, actually those were electrolytes. Those are natural things that are in the body. It helps cattle stay hydrated, especially when it's really hot. They're, you know, got a lot of hair. They're doing a lot of work. It was just electrolytes, it's safe for them. It's um It helps clarify what those youth are saying, oh, those were electrolytes. I understand that it wasn't a drug. I also understand what electrolyte is a naturally occurring thing that help animals stay hydrated and it's a safety thing for the animal. We need to communicate that with confidence. If I were to in that situation say to Christine, well, I mean, I think it was just some sort of, I don't know, water thing that helps them, it helps them with water retention or something, she's not going to believe anything I just said. But in that first response of, this is what it is, this is what it does. This is why it's important, communicating that with confidence really helps stop that rumor of, it was just electrolytes. Also help youth stop that overall conversation. What we can do is, this is what it was and we can just say, this doesn't need to be discussed anymore if you hear anything about it, we can go back and use those steps that we talked about earlier about stopping the conversation, redirecting with humor, using that golden rule approach, those things, encouraging them that they don't have to participate in every conversation that they're invited to. Um, and then also give you the skills to support others in these times U. Again, so, Going back to those strategies we discussed earlier about, again, would you like to be treated this way in this situation, but also giving you these skills of, hey, go talk to them, go see what they're doing, try to connect with them and maybe you'll learn something about your project to help you for the next time as well, but also coming in with an unbiased mind, but also being a safe space for them to come and talk to you and not getting defensive and just listening more than speaking. Um, so some statement ideas that we can use to provide those supporting times for youth is we can equip youth with some things like say, Hey, that sounds like a rumor to me. And then that asks the question of, oh, well, should I be saying this again or spreading this around? Do you have proof of that? What is your proof of this? How do you know if that is true? That sounds like something you should talk about with the person involved? Have you talked to them. I am not sure if that is true or not, so I can't comment or don't feel comfortable discussing. That feels like a personal matter for that person and I don't feel comfortable discussing that without them here. I really focus on myself and my own situations. These are all statements that we can use to deflect when youth come to us and even volunteers or adults or whoever it is, come to us and say, Hey, I saw somebody, I don't know, change the ear tag out of their pig. Oh, well, that just sounds like a rumor because they checked the pig in and all the things and it has the same ear tag. Or you could just say, I really focus on my cell phone situations. How do you know if that's true? What proof do you have of that? These are all statement ideas that we can use to help you think through the process of, okay, this probably isn't what I've heard and those types of strategies. So before we speak, we're going to kind of give you a strategy here of, we need to think, right? And this is something that I know personally, I've really tried to be better at in any sort of response in any area of my life. But in regards to the rumor situation we're talking about today, so T, is it true? So something like you know, any sort of situation, is it true or is it just something that I've heard? H, is it helpful? Is what I'm saying going to be a helpful situation to fixing the problem, or am I just hurting someone or just adding to the issue? I, is it inspiring? I'm not sure of a whole lot of rumors that are inspiring and so this is a key one to talk about of, are you inspiring others to be the best version of themselves? Is it necessary? Do I need to say this? Will this add anything positive or constructive to the conversation? Then finally, I think probably the biggest one is, is it kind? Is this something that, again, is positive? Is this something that I would want somebody to say about me? Is this a kind thing to say? Using the think model can really help us organize our thoughts within these conversations of helping youth redirect their thought process and also their responses. Talking about, again, supporting youth, we want to empower them instead of defending. We want to encourage our youth to be proud of their work and efforts. This could be something where only a few kids like for showing livestock, for example, only a few kids win, whether it's showmanship, market breeding, whatever it might be. But just because you didn't win doesn't mean that those kids don't have and shouldn't be proud of the work and dedication and time that they have put in. How can we encourage youth to be proud of their work and efforts? Give them a space to share. Ask them, Hey, what did you learn today? What are you the most proud of with your project? Trying to take it where it's a positive situation. These kids might be really disappointed, um, or sad about an outcome, and it's our job to try to make that more of a positive thing of, Hey, what did you learn though for next year? Or what is something that you can take and teach to somebody else? Or what are you the most proud of about your project this year? I promise you, they will go from that sense of disappointment to rethinking of, Oh, actually, I do have a lot to be proud of. Even though it wasn't the outcome I wanted, I still have a lot to be proud of. Avoid overreacting or jumping to confrontation. Um So this is something that when we have these situations and we have youth maybe coming to us with a rumor that they've heard or even an adult coming to us, again, we want to come with the listening ear approach. We don't want to raise our voice. We don't want to get confrontational. We don't want to start yelling at them. It is our job to be professional and be that example of listening to them and providing them a space to just speak what they've heard, what they've seen, or having that conversation. That emotional strength is really important. Teaching and reminding them of the real value in competition. I like to think that I'm as competitive as anybody and I don't think I know anybody who likes to lose, to be honest. So everybody wants to be successful, everybody wants to win, but there's so much more value in competing than winning and teaching them about being good sportsmanship or having good sportsmanship, learning through their projects, what life skills can they take away from this and also just having the urge and the willingness and the want to be the best version of themselves, to work hard, to be dedicated are really important. There's a whole long list of things about value and competition. Feel free to think about those for you to share. Also, be the example that you wish to see in the world. This is something where again, going back to that golden rule, how would I want to be treated, that's how I need to act, that's how I need to respond, that's the example that I need to set. Then remind you that they cannot control what others do and say. This is something that I wish I would have learned a lot earlier in life is we have zero control over what people do, what they say, but we have 100% control of how we respond in terms of what we do and what we say. Hopefully the strategies that we've talked about can help foster a more positive environment in those situations. So how do we help youth handle rumors with confidence? First, we want to take a pause. So pause, think, reflect, use some of those strategies that we've talked about about make sure it's a safe space, make sure that we're listening, and we're trying to eliminate any bias or emotion that we might have with this. And then we need to check some facts of asking those questions of what proof do you have of this? What evidence do you have of this? You know, those list of responses that we had. And then we can either choose to respond in a positive way, or we can simply move on with, that sounds like a rumor to me, I'm going to move on or I'm not comfortable engaging in this conversation, I'm going to move on. Those are all responses that we can have to build confidence in those youth to teach them when somebody comes up to them and maybe tries to engage them in that rumor mill of teaching them to pause, teaching them to try to check facts of asking those questions, but also have a positive response or teaching them to move on. If we can use the strategies that we've talked about to do these three things, that's going to help build that sense of confidence for youth where they actually have the confidence to say, sounds like a rumor, I'm not comfortable talking about it and they can walk away. We're going to talk a little bit about how to help prevent the spread of it. To do that, I'm going to do a quick little example here. This is something you can do in your four H club. I have a paper plate and achieve a toothpaste. When you think about this, someone says that person did this, squeeze a little toothpaste down. Then the person they send it to send it to someone else. More comes out and it keeps going around and around and around and keeps getting said Then it comes back, it finally gets to the person that's being talked about, and then it is found out everything that has been said is not true. Can I get my toothpaste back into my toothpaste bottle? No. What it helps us really think about is that when we talk about things like that, it is good to really think for a second about how when we say things, is it the thing that we should be saying, or is it just us sharing. If it's just sharing and it's not true and we don't know if it's the facts, we can never get our toothpaste back in. What we've said is now out there and it can't go back in our toothpaste too. This is an example. You can take this and do this in your clubs to have them help them see once you say something, you can't put it back. You can't put it back. The same thing is always said if you share it online. You can't put it back into the can or into the toothpaste tooth. It is out there and it's no longer able to be put back in. Some additional pieces about when we really think about preventing that spread, there's six things to think about. We have to build a culture of respect with youth and adults. We have to get within our clubs and within our experience, how do we build respect? How do we get people to feel welcome and understanding and gain that knowledge? Kendra gave some examples earlier about giving people the facts of why someone might have put something in the water, the electrolytes to help their animal, or why people might work together on things, or the time people put at home. It goes back to build that culture of respect. Have you start to think about what do they have below the iceberg? Then someone else has similar things like D rumors and gossip before large events. If something comes up, bring it up to the people who have the control and give them the information, and then don't talk about it anymore. Stop talking about it. Encourage positive communication. Have youth and adults and everyone think about how do you be positive? How do we think about utilizing those eye statements or those statements to stop it or that usage of humor to get people off guard or providing the facts for people. To prevent the spread, you have to resist the urge to participate. It is like that social piece like people want to be in the in crowd or be part of it, so they'll sometimes participate even if they don't know. Instead, you have to prevent the spread, we have to resist the urge. We have to be honest. When there are things, we have to state the truth, no, I know that this person did this. They spent this many hours every night working on their project. Or, while their parents might be the four H leaders, that means that they didn't get any extra advantages. They had to put in all the time on their own and actually their parents didn't stand there and help them because they don't want people to think that. Create a club or personal plan. Talk about in your club how you will talk about these things so everyone feels confident. When you think about a personal plan, here's another example that you can utilize within your forage clubs. Take the time to think about a plan. What will you do? If I hear a rumor about me, I will. Have you think about what will they do when they hear a rumor about them. Go through some of the skills we've shared earlier. What will they do? If I hear a rumor about someone else, I will. Have them write down what will they do? And then bring it all back together. One thing I love about my project is, and this is so important because we want to be fostering youth sparks in our four H programs, and so what do they love about their project? If someone's seeing rumors about them, it does make it harder sometimes for them. What do they love about their project and really think about those components? So I'm going to wrap this all up. It's really important that in FOH, we are about youth voice. It is incredibly important. We have to honor the stories of youth. When they see challenging things and we need to help them learn how to speak their truths and handle tough conversations is a really important part of youth voice. As volunteers, we need to give youth that empowerment tools to think about how they're going to share their experience. We need to present active listening to them. On what the young people are seeing and give the young people a sense of ownership to their forage experiences. As adults involved in forage, listening to youth boys can provide us with valuable insights. Take the time to really listen to them and give them the tools so that they can be the ones trying to address it. But then know when you have to step in and help them out. I want to take the time to thank everyone for participating. As you leave, a short evaluation will pop up for you to complete in the chat, to complete, to give us feedback, and to give ideas for the future. I'm going to stop the recording. 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