Validating without fueling: A volunteer’s role in rumor management
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EmailBuilding youth life skills to handle rumors with confidence.
When a young person comes to you with a concern, especially one involving rumors, your reaction as a 4-H volunteer can shape how they respond to conflict, help them build resilience, and allow them to grow in confidence. Yet supporting youth in these moments isn’t always straightforward—how do you show empathy without encouraging gossip, drama or retaliation?
In 4-H, where teamwork, competition and close-knit communities intersect, rumors can take root easily. Volunteers play a vital role in both addressing and preventing this kind of behavior and building a positive youth development experience. The first step is how one validates youth. Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything a young person says. It means acknowledging their emotions as real and important. When youth share a concern about something they heard or experienced, you can affirm their feelings without confirming the rumor or adding to the speculation. Let the youth share their story without interruption. Don’t rush to offer solutions or fill silences. This helps them process their own emotions and thoughts more clearly.
Michigan State University Extension recommends trying these simple statements when responding to youth:
- “That sounds upsetting. I’m glad you talked to me about it.”
- “It makes sense you’d feel that way.”
- “Let’s figure out what you can do next.”
These statements let the young person know they’re not alone—without assigning blame or reinforcing the gossip.
As a volunteer, it’s crucial that you stay neutral and approach each situation with curiosity rather than judgment. To help youth determine their next steps, consider asking: “What makes this situation hard for you?” or “What do you think is the best way to respond?” These questions help build problem-solving skills and empower youth to take thoughtful action. When supporting youth, encourage them to use these responses:
- Practice “I” statements: “I feel hurt when people say things that aren’t true about me.”
- Encourage them to seek facts or calmly clarify misinformation when appropriate.
- Remind them: “You can’t control what others say, but you can control how you respond.”
For additional ideas on how to support youth, consider watching the Michigan 4-H Volunteer Webinar, “Fueling or Squashing the Rumor Mill.”
Rumors often thrive in spaces where youth feel unheard or excluded. Foster a welcoming club culture that is inclusive, helps youth to thrive and allows every member to have a voice. Most importantly, be an example of respectful, honest and calm behavior. You don’t need all the answers. What youth need most is someone who believes them, listens without judgment and walks with them as they navigate challenges. When you validate without fueling, you’re not just managing rumors—you’re teaching life skills that build character, resilience and trust.
For more information about helpful volunteer training content, check out the MSU Extension Michigan 4-H Volunteer Webinar Series webpage.
